October 22, 2005

Baby & Winky Reprise

By Tenzin McGrupp © 2005

Baby sat in the front seat of the car and trembled as she sobbed uncontrollably. Winky's dull windshield wiper blades barely cleared away the late afternoon Seattle rain as he sped off onto the Alaskan Highway with a faintly audible Neil Young song fading in and out on the radio.

"What the fuck you crying about?" Winky shouted.

"I shot," she whimpered for a few moments before she completed her sentence. "I-I-I shot Moses' dog!"

"Good!" Winky screamed. "Fuck Moses and his stupid dog!"

"You're not angry?" Baby timidly asked.

"Of course not, Baby," he said as he brushed away a tear from her cheek. "That prick had it coming. And you know how much I hate pets. Especially those chic hybrid dogs. Who the fuck cross-breeds pugs with beagles anyway? Moses' fuckin' dog was the ugliest mutt I've ever seen! You did this world a justice by ridding it of another ugly hipster pet."

Baby wiped away the remainder of her tears and slid the gun underneath the passenger's seat. Just a few minutes earlier she had stood barefoot on a cold linoleum kitchen floor and kept firing until Moses' dog stopped moving. Seven bullets later, one found its way into the door of the refrigerator while six were lodged in the body of the poor dog.

A simple drug deal gone bad had ended up in a case of canine homicide. Moses had tried to sell Baby and Winky a sheet of bad acid the month before. They didn't know it was bunk and had sold the entire sheet to a group of aging hippies making their way to Burning Man in a renovated school bus that looked like a giant banana. Upon their return, the hippies demanded all their money back.

Winky was pissed. That wasn't the first time Moses had fucked them over. He’d screwed them on a Canadian marijuana deal after crossing over the border in a kayak and smuggling in three pounds of British Columbia Super Skunk. Moses had shorted them several ounces and he still owed them. Moses had also stolen a pair of Baby's dirty underwear at one of their parties and held them for ransom. He said he would give it back for $200 and only if Baby and Winky would let him watch them have sex while he jerked off and sniffed Baby's armpit.

Winky tracked Moses down at his Mother's house and confronted him while he sat in the kitchen in his boxer shorts, eating a bowl of Froot Loops. Moses pulled a small pen-knife on Winky and Baby pulled out the gun. She pointed it at Moses' barking dog.

"Drop the knife or I shoot your dog!" Baby yelled.

Moses hesitated for a moment and then he heard the first shot. He quickly dropped the knife into his cereal. By the fifth shot, his dog had stopped barking and Moses began screaming. Winky grabbed the only thing of value he could find nearby -- a brand new Ron Popeil Showtime Rotisserie. He almost went for the juicer, but settled upon the Rotisserie because he always wanted to cook his own chicken.

The two dashed out the back door as Moses looked at the pool of blood collecting on his Mother's linoleum floor and screamed, "You killed my dog, Baby! Now Moses is gonna kill you!"

Tenzin McGrupp is a writer from New York City.

No comments: