July 26, 2006

JetBlue Judy Greer

By Derek McGrupp © 2006

As I waited at the gate to board my return flight to New York City, I noticed this girl who looked very familiar to me. I couldn't figure out who she was. It was killing me.

Then it hit me. She was an actress.

I didn't know her name but I've seen her in several movies. I wasn't 100% sure it was her since we were in a Las Vegas airport and not an L.A. one.

JetBlue started boarding the plane. She got on before me. Walking down the aisle, I noticed she was sitting in my row. I sat down and we were the only two in the row.

I looked over and started a conversation shortly into the flight. She was just opening a movie manuscript to read.

"Excuse me but I think I know you. You're Judy, aren't you? Judy Greer?"

"Uhh, yes I am. Do we know each other?"

"Yeah, I think so. We met last year at some party in L.A. I think it was an Arrested Development wrap party. My friend's an exec over there. I drank way too much SoCo that night. I was hitting on you pretty hard. Then, I saw you at John O'Groats the next day and you totally blew me off."

That was a complete lie on my part. I never met this girl before in my life. I pulled a Joaquin Ochoa... and the crime scene investigators at CSI have nothing on me! I glanced at Judy's personal info while waiting in line to board the plane. She had her full name, address and cell phone number on her bag tags. I was feeling frisky leaving Las Vegas and decided to screw around here with her to see how far I could push it.

She chuckled and replied, "Yeah, maybe. I think I remember that party but I'm not sure if I remember you though. What's your name again?"

"It's Derek and that's OK... I'm pretty forgettable sometimes."

"You look familiar to me too now that you mention it. I'm sure I didn't mean to blow you off. I was probably in a hurry to a meeting or something."

"Good... I thought I did something wrong the night before."

"Like what?"

"You don't remember the leg humping incident?"

"During the party?" she said with a puzzled look on her face.

I nodded.

"No, I don't remember that Derek."

"It's probably best that you don't."

"If I did, this seating situation would've been awkward."

"No doubt. I couldn't get you off my leg Judy. It was kind of embarrassing. Everyone was watching you.”

"You're funny."

"Thanks. I'm just kidding about the leg humping."

"I'm sure you are... aren't you?"

"Of course I am."

"I thought so."

"You know Judy... I usually don't allow leg humping until the second date. I'm conservative like that."

"I'm sure you are, Derek. It sounds like it."

"Hey, I think this flight counts as our second date."

After some silence, she finally laughed.

"So JetBlue huh?" I asked.

"Yeah, I like the satellite TV. I'm hoping to watch some Law & Order."

"Sweet. So you must get stopped all the time by fans. It must get annoying especially when horny guys do it?"

"Sometimes. I love my fans though."

"I gotta say, I'm a big fan of The Wedding Planner, Jawbreakers and 13 Going on 30. I really love what you're doing over there. You do great work."

"Over where?"

"Sorry, just a figure of speech. I mean... Fern Mayo... gotta love it."

"Thanks. That's an interesting shirt you're wearing. What's a Snailtrax?"

"It's a long story but it has something to do with a friend of mine. It was his birthday this past weekend. It's a shirt I wear in his honor."

"What's the back of it say?"

"Daddy likes 'em stout!"

"So, why are you going to NYC?"

"Me? I'm going home after a week long vacation with friends and family. You?"

"I have a business meeting in Manhattan. I have to read some of this manuscript before I land.

"Nice. Hey there's a Dark Angel marathon on the Sci-fi channel right now. Four hours of it. Sweet!"

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry. Did I say that out loud, Judy?"


"You gotta love Jessica Alba though."

"I guess most guys love her. I can't blame you."

"Do you know Jessica?"

"We've met."

"Can you introduce me?"

"Only if you let me grab your ass, Derek."

"Excuse me, Judy?"

"You heard me. I want to grab your ass. I heard you have a pretty tight one for a fat kid."


At that moment I started to smell something out of the ordinary. It was a great smell too. It was almost orgasmic. I looked a few rows back and noticed someone was cooking bacon of all things. And it was poker pro Gavin Smith!

What's going on??

I heard some commotion going on up front and turned my attention to it. I saw Bobby Bracelet playing poker pro Chau Giang heads up in a high stakes Blackjack game. Bobby had a t-shirt that said Bobby Blackjack on it. Chau was cursing in another language when I noticed his shirt. On the front, it said "CHOW GANG" and on the back it said "Pimpin' ain't easy."

I realized I was dreaming when I saw Phil Ivey prop betting with old ladies near the toilets. They were playing Roshambo for $100 a pop. Ouch!

That's when I felt a sudden jab at my rib cage. I woke up a little confused. It was Judy Greer. She needed to go to the bathroom. I must have fallen asleep during the Dark Angel marathon. I was pretty tired after partying all week in Las Vegas.

Judy came back to her seat and I asked her if I was snoring. She said no and that I was only drooling. I think she was joking.

"Excuse me but I think I know you. You're Judy, aren't you? Judy Greer?"

"Uhh, yes I am. Didn't we have this conversation already, Derek?"

"I dunno. Did we? Arrested Development? John O'Groats? J-Lo? Fern Mayo?"


"Cool. You rock, Judy."

"Thanks. So do you Derek. How's your Dark Angel marathon?"

"It's going great. I love Jessica Alba!"

"I know. And I'm sorry but I still can't introduce you to her. I don't know her that well."

"Hey, did they come by with drinks and snacks yet?"

"Not yet. You getting thirsty?"

"Yeah. A little bit but I'm really craving some bacon right now for some reason."

"Me too actually. But I don't think they have that on the flight menu."

"You're my kind of girl Judy. My kind of girl! By the way, do you know Bobby Bracelet by chance?"

"No. Should I?"

Derek McGrupp is a poker player from New York City.

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