By Dusty Rhodes © 2008
I had made up my mind weeks before that I would ask Kathy. Everyone liked her and even though she wasn't the hottest thing around, she had a nice body and could hold a conversation. Eventually, after days of procrastination, I summoned the courage and finally asked her. But not without a battle in my mind.
Just walk up and ask her you idiot... You've been friends for four years... she doesn't have a date and either do you... Quit being a pussy and ask her... Christ dude... what are you nervous about... you've played soccer in front of thousands of people and you get freaked out about one question... She's looking at you... walk up to her... one step in front of the other moron...
"Hey Kathy... you have a minute."
I wanted to go to prom but my chicken-ass self could hardly muster up the courage to ask anyone. Breaking up with Pam was still having an affect on me and my ability to act like a normal teenager. My friends kept giving me shit as they prepared to waste a ton of money on a ritual that creates hope in young men. The hope that they will get laid... or at least a blow job.
Fuck yah, she said yes... I'm not sure if she puts out but I hope I have a shot... Dude...she isn't an easy mark... put your pecker away and be a good guy... How the hell can I afford this... Maybe mom will throw me a little cash to help out... I'm gonna pull a good one off tonight... Cool, lunch time.
Trying to get everything arranged in about two weeks was difficult but it worked out. I went and ordered the tux and Kathy told me what flowers to get. I knew things were coming into place when I got to use my mom's new Cutlass instead of my '69 Nova that was having issues. We teamed up with our friends Dale and Wendy and made the rounds to get our pictures taken.
This is so fucking lame... I want to start drinking.... When is this picture taking shit gonna end... man, Wendy is hot... how does she not fall over when she walks... She is gonna have back problems... wow... Kathy looks hot... I hope I get laid... her dad looks scary... her sister is hot... fuck I'm ready to get laid... finally... lets drink!
Back in the day we would drink and drive. It was just what we did back in the mid 80s and as long as we didn't get to crazy, nobody seemed to mind. When we arrived at the destination, we finished off the bottles of bubbly and I had a good buzz.
I hope this buzz lasts a while... HAHAHA, he's way stoned... I wish I had a joint... Night Ranger is so fucking good... My buzz is gone... I'm hungry and we still have another hour at least... he's getting laid tonight... I hope I do but it isn't looking... wait... what's going on...
It was a normal dance except we had to dress up. Everyone still acted stupid for the most part but we still had to pick the King and Queen of the prom.
I know I have no shot... just tell us the winner already... YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME... That fucker is king... I didn't know kings could be lame ass cock suckers... so stupid... wish I wasn't on the prom court... I voted for Kathy but she probably wont win... OMG... OMG... I'M AT PROM WITH THE PROM QUEEN... I'M GETTING LAID I KNOW I AM... man I'm hungry...
Going to prom with the prom queen was cool. I always bring it up when I get with old friends because it is kind of like having a status for doing nothing at all. I don't really care about status but it is fun to mess with my friends. Anyway, we went to dinner after prom and headed home because we had a big day planned for the day after.
Man am I still hungry... that had to be the smallest piece of steak I've ever eaten... Should I hold her hand on the way back... maybe I'll get a kiss... I'm gonna get so drunk tomorrow... I hope I don't fall of a cliff... she's cool to talk to but I don't think she's gonna put out... At least I got a kiss... Fuck... I know my mom is going to want to talk about this shit when I get home...
The next day we went to Starved Rock near Ottawa. Dale drove his Trans Am and we had plenty of beer and food. The whole senior class sitting out along the river getting drunk and having fun was classic. We almost got arrested when a park ranger caught us swimming in the water back in the canyons but we looked like good kids so he let us go.
Man, mom would kill me if I got in trouble for something stupid like that... You know they would have found the beer... Paul's knee is fucked up after that fall... He's done... man, I'm drunk... Jesus Dale...open up the stupid windows and turn up the music... Sammy Hagar rocks... I'm gonna put my hand on her leg... She doesn't mean no... Fuck... What the fuck am I doing... At least I stopped... that could have been really fucked up... man I'm drunk and stupid... Can I ever talk to her again.
Nothing ever happened except for me looking like a drunk idiot. After she said no the second time I backed off and regretted being a moron. Nothing ever came of my idiocy and Kathy and I still talked in the hall way and at WCC where we both went to college. I hadn't seen her for four years. That is until we met at our five year reunion.
It will be cool to see Bill again... Wow, Scott lost all his hair already... Wait, he wasn't in our class... Oh shit...
"Kathy, I'm very sorry for how I acted the day after prom."
"That's OK... If you did it today I would probably say yes."
You have to be kidding me... All this fucking time I feel like shit and she says that... Maybe she'll put out tonight... Fuck... I don't think my girl friend would like that...
Dusty Rhodes is the father of three from the Chicago Suburbs. He writes at The Poker Enthusiast.