Kitty Cat Crap

By Armando Huerta © 2003

Travel, unfortunately, isn’t always about glamorous locations, fine bone china in First Class and porters in hotels whisking your bags up to a penthouse suite. It also has a very unpleasant side, and one that I feel is worth exploring in this issue. Thus, without further ado, here is a brief grievance I have when traveling: CHEAP SOUVENIRS.

I don’t know whom I despise more, the people that manufacture this shit or the ones who buy it, then carry it home to display on the particle board shelves with faux walnut finish gracing the double wide they sought to escape in the first place. Now don’t get me wrong, some souvenirs can be very nice items to keep for future enjoyment or reflection such as a well crafted original vase, unique regional gourmet delicacies or locally produced wine, but they are unfortunately the exception and not the norm. Every city that has even an inkling of tourism inevitably has a section of town that houses nothing but store after store pandering this godforsaken crap on pea brained tourists walking around with Bermuda shorts and sunburned knees.

Even the most gracious and elegant of cities falls prey to this commerce, from the ancient capitals of Europe to the dusty towns of rural Mexico. I often want to stop the people buying this crud and deliver a couple of well placed bitch slaps to their bovine faces. You know the kind of things I’m talking about, sea shell encrusted beverage coasters, fake ancient statues and t-shirts with the destination spelled out in rhinestones.

By far the most offending item I have seen is the Kitty Cat calendar which unfortunately is available in several cities throughout Europe. If you have ever seen these calendars you know the sensation of having your face turn to ash and total loss of bowel control. It involves a calendar in which every month there is a picture of a pussy perched on some typical piece of architecture or in the foreground of a famous landmark. Hideous. For the life of me I cannot comprehend why, with all the pictures, memories, treasures one can take home from a visit to a faraway land a calendar with a succession of mangy cats posing with vacuous looks would be a top choice.

Armando Huerta is a writer living in Athens, Greece.